Friday, April 3, 2015

Why I've Been Absent from Blogging

Be forewarned----I will be whining about VERY first-world problems.
VERY!
VERY, VERY!
It's embarrassing to even put them 'on paper', but I feel it must be documented.
If even for my own sake.
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Shouldn't I be thrilled that my barn is (mostly) done?
You'd think so, right?
Here's the rub, we put the barn in the only place on the property that it could go.
We spent months trying to figure out the exact spot, I kid you not.
Our property is very hilly with a large drainage area that runs right through the middle of it.


The backside of the barn base is impossibly high off the surrounding property.
More than 3 feet! (see below)


The property runs off pretty steeply behind it.

There will be no more fill brought in because:
1. It's terribly expensive.
2. It would then make the back of the barn area about 6 feet off the ground!
3. It would put the area in a drainage area.  It would all just wash away.

Ultimately, what that means is that there will be no paddocks behind the stalls.
photo credit: http://www.hau-horsestalls.com/
Example of what a paddock is for the non-horsey folks
No place for animals to be put up in stalls and have a small place to stretch their legs or be outdoors.
These are necessary, should an animal become injured and need stall rest.

Bill could use some stall rest.

That brings us to the next first-world problem and it piggy backs right on the first, first-world problem.

Bill is still lame.
I have come to the conclusion that he will always be lame.
We have done everything short of a $5,000 MRI at our state's AG college.
That's just for the MRI, not everything else that goes along with it.

The local equine vet has done every test she can.  
We cannot isolate the source of his pain.
Her thought is this, as is mine----we can spend $5K to "maybe" find out the source of his pain.
Then what?
Another $5,000-$10,000 for surgery that "might" work?
We simply cannot go there.
My sweet, sweet Bill does not have insurance.  
We cannot afford to, at the end of this, to have spent $15K+ searching for a needle in a haystack----and still not be assured that he is sound (horsey word for 'not lame').

I know he is in pain, but I see him blasting around the pasture at a full run, chasing Ted.
They play.
They play hard.

I know he is in pain, but how much?
Would he be running after Ted and instigating play if he were in a lot of pain?

Either way, I feel badly every single moment that I am with him.
Have I failed him?

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The base of my not blogging is this:
I feel guilty.
Guilt hits my muse with stun guns every single day.
Every time I think about blogging about sunshine and rainbows, my brain shuts it down.
I have spent thousands of dollars on a barn and a lame donkey.
Money that I did not personally make.
My dear hubby is the one that brings home the bacon.

My want for a couple pet donkeys turned into a money pit.
Eric was, and continues to be, onboard with all this.
However, more money has to be put into the barn to bring water and electricity to it.
We will have to do something about the base being SO steep on the back side of the barn.
Donkeys are smart and will not accidentally fall off.
Horses (next owners??) are not so smart.

So, a first-world problem at its finest. 
The very definition of first-world problem.
Me feeling guilty about spending a boat load of money that I did not earn AND having a lame donkey that I can't justify spending another boat load of money on.

I'm not looking for platitudes.  
I'm simply putting 'on paper' why I haven't felt like blogging at all.




2 comments:

  1. Guilt. Takes some fun and sunshine out of the day, that's for sure. Maybe in time you can get used to dealing with the hill behind the barn. And maybe Bill is being over dramatic about his limp to get a few extra hugs and treats. Maybe.

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  2. As Erma Bombeck said, Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving. :)
    Bill seems to be coping pretty well. Time to trust him maybe.

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