Saturday, April 4, 2015

Let There Be No Doubt, Ever

This blog is specifically for my family.
However, if you'd like to take an idea from me and make it your own, please do.
In fact, I suggest that you do it as soon as possible.
Lives change in an instant.  
People die in an instant.
Do not ever leave anything to chance.  
Especially your feelings of love.

Nora, Eric, Preston, Katie, Evie, Jenna, Quinn, Sarah, Ryan, Bella, Grayson, Luca, JT, Mom and Dad Cox, Joel, Jody, Brian, Nathan, Jen, and a bunch more that aren't immediate family.

I Love You.

We may disagree on many things, on most things.
I love you.

I like Brussels sprouts, you don't.
I love you.

I disappointed you.  You disappointed me.
I love you.

I hate your guts. You hate my guts.
I love you, still.

I voted for her. You voted for him.
I love you.

I believe that they are three separate entities. You believe that the three are one.  
I love you.

I believe that God loves all people.  You believe that God does not.
I love you.

I don't believe in Hell.  You do.
I love you.

I give a dollar to the man on the corner.  You do not.
I love you.

I want to watch Downton Abbey reruns. You do not.
I love you.

I want to take a cab.  You want to walk.
I love you.

I want to vacuum before guests come.  You want to wash windows instead.
I love you.

I don't drink. You do.
I love you.

I made you sad. You made me sad.
I love you.

I don't like you very much.  You don't like me very much either.
I love you, still. 

I spoke my mind.  You spoke yours.
I love you.

I think you can tell by now that I love you.
I love you in spite of our different views on many, many things that humanity finds important.
There have been times in our lives together when it would have been easier to just write you off.
To say, "If I weren't related to you, we wouldn't even be friends."

There have been times when our relationship is so painful and strained that I wanted to send you to military school or girl's school. "Let them sort you out!"

There have been times when you make me so angry and sad that I've cried that ugly cry.  
The kind of sobbing that worries the dogs.

There have been times when I didn't answer the phone when you called.

There have been times when I wanted to get in my car and drive away and never come back.

There have been times, OH SO MANY, that I have held my tongue.

There have been times when I really, really wanted to say things that can't be unsaid.

There have been times when I have walked to the very brink of asking that we never talk again.

There have been times when I wondered if we were even related.
How can people who have lived under the same roof or been raised by people who have lived under the same roof believe so differently about so many things?

Here's the thing.  For me, that cliche' that "blood is thicker than water" holds true. 
My love for you is deeper than I can ever properly express.

My mom died in 2008 without saying her goodbyes.  Without one last "I love you".
She had time to write a note that said, 
"I'm sad that I'm dying, but I really want you to know...." 
She didn't.
We weren't exactly feuding when she died, but had her husband not been sent to the hospital in last days of her life, I would not have been there when she died.  I would not have been encouraged to come say goodbye.  I would have gotten a phone call that it was over.  
She lived 15 miles from my house.

Family feuding is most often over trivial matters.
God and Politics and Money and Belongings are often at the root of most feuds.
Do they really matter?
Really, do they?
When you die, does it matter who you voted for?
I lost 3 sisters after my Dad died. Over a coffee table. 
A coffee table!
They no longer speak to me.

Say I love you.
If you have a chance, write a note, write a letter, write volumes.
Never, ever leave this earth making those closest to you wonder if you loved them.
It's a cruel thing to do.  Even more cruel if it was unintentional.

I long ago gave up chasing my mother's ghost, asking the question of whether she loved me, was she proud of me, was there anything about me that she even liked.
I believe she did.

I just wish she'd have said it.  

Say, "I Love You."


  1. Amen. Well written and so true.

  2. Carla: This is beautiful and oh so true. Oma Linda

  3. Amen. You said everything I have always thought so well. And what you said is so true. Say "I love you" now as tomorrow may never come.

  4. Beautiful and true, Carla! We need to say I love you often and mean it when we do.