Thursday, October 18, 2012

Mother-In-Love or Monster-In-Law?

Photo: Katie & her guy, Preston
Preston and Katie at Lauren's wedding

If you've read my blog for any length of time, you'll know that Preston and Katie have been dating for four years.  Since they were Juniors in high school.

They, like any couple their age, have had some rough patches.
Being a protective mom and a "heart on my sleeve" mom, I reacted.
One thing I did, was to delete many posts about the two of them when it looked like they were broken up for good.  
It's something I regret doing.  
They are gone forever.  It's too bad, too.  
They chronicled important life events for all of us.   

There has been high emotion regarding a number of things---choices he's made that hurt me and Eric.
To say that it's been a tough year for everyone, is putting it mildly.  
Many tears and sleepless nights.  
Much prayer, mighty prayer.

They broke up last spring, but Preston's heart would not let go.  
They got back together in early summer.  Katie's heart, it seems, would not let go either.

The summer was a busy, happy time for both of them.  Preston never brought her to the house, though.
When she finally came over in late summer, to help him pack for college, all my anger at their situation melted away.  She really is a wonderful girl, who loves my son.

On August 24th, they got engaged.

Again, drama ensued.  Eric and I think finishing college should be priority number one.  Loving and supporting another human being is a big (ginormous!) step, physically, emotionally and financially.  
It is the financial part that hangs us up.  Once you're married, all the bills your parents once covered, fall to you.  Our health insurance company doesn't care that we still think he's ours to take care of.  They, neither one, have jobs that offer health insurance.  

Really, I can fret and carry on til the cows come home.  It serves no purpose.  It doesn't change the fact that they are engaged.  

But what can I change, surely I can change something?!!

I can change my heart.

I, as I've mentioned in the past, have an amazing Mother-In-Love.
She is supportive, loving, and accepts me--warts and all.
I call her "mom", at her request; and do it without hesitation.  It is an honor.
She has been a perfect example of how a MIL can behave.

I have seen some ugly mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationships.  
Movies have been made about it.  
Books have been written about it.  
There's even a reality TV show about it.
While we can all watch and laugh, the truth is, that scenario is painful---for everyone.

I refuse to be that mother-in-law.
I will choose, instead, to follow my own Mother-In-Love's example.
I will change my heart.

It won't be so hard.
I love the kids and want to be a part of their lives as they move forward--together.

January 3, 2014 is the date they've set to be married.
I choose to be a Mother-In-Love and not a Monster-In-Law.
A blessing and not a curse.

Thanks, Mom, for setting such a great example of Christ's love in the face of worry and doubt and hurt feelings.


  1. Our lives are blessed by great examples. The tough part is trying to keep up with them. Congrats to the future bride and Mother-in-Love.

  2. I think your Mother-In-Love is the best example for you to follow. My daughter-in-law says I am the best. I just love them unconditionally and let them live their own lives; never interfering; never offering advice unless asked; never criticizing (even when I don't like something). You are blessed with a beautiful son and soon to be daughter-in-law. If they love each other that's all that matters.

  3. I'm so proud of you Aunt CeeCee. You are right, you can change your attitude. You are SO lucky to have a Mother in Love that is an example for everyone. You can't change your thoughts or your worries for your son and your future daughter in law. Someday, if they are blessed, they will have children of their own and they will understand a bit more about being a parent and the love that comes.

    My dad was good at tactfully voicing his opinion. He even told me once that I should get a prenup prior to marrying, a decision I didn't agree with. I, however, did listen. He's was a strong, loving man that wanted the best for both Ryan and I. I'm lucky for that. I'm lucky that I had such a shining example about giving advice and letting go when it wasn't taken. He did love my husband. He was happy his baby girl was giving her heart to a man that cared deeply about my well being and knew how to love me, faults and all.

    Preston and Katie will grow together, in love, in Christ. They are lucky to have you, more than they know. You and Uncle E are strong examples of marriage and parenting, strong shining examples. Best of wishes to them both as they embark on the next phase of their relationship.