Friday, March 18, 2011

A Phoenix Rises

His daughter, my beloved niece, Sarah was too pregnant to go to be with him during his last hours on this earth. She lives in Wisconsin, he in Missouri.
She had suffered in this same way, only a week earlier---her Aunt Mary died unexpectedly as well.
Two times in two weeks, she had suffered unspeakable loss. Both times she couldn't go say goodbye.
Thirty-eight weeks pregnant and unable to comfort and be comforted by extended family. Her sweet, supportive husband, Ryan and darling baby, Bella held her close through her storm. Kisses and hugs and silly moments helped dry her tears.
They waited for their baby to be born.

He surprised everyone by coming just two days after the death of my brother.
He, Grayson John, parted the ashes of my niece's sorrow, and brought joy and happy tears.

As humans, we make up stories to help us feel better when someone dies. I made one up when my first born came along, and my father had already passed away. My father would have loved my kids.
I believe in heaven. I believe in spirits.
I believed that my father met my children in spirit, before I met them in body.
I believe that my brother, did indeed, get to meet Grayson. I believe he held him and rocked him and told him stories. I believe he tickled Grayson's tiny chin with his mustache and nibbled his tiny toes.
It makes me feel better in the bittersweet moments.

Grayson has been, for me, a Phoenix that has risen from the ashes of my brother's untimely death. Happiness blends with sadness. Hope with sorrow.

Welcome, little man.


  1. What a beautiful, uplifting post! May Grayson John's life be filled with joy and blessings. Thank you Cee Cee!

  2. Hi Cee Cee. I don't usually comment because I follow over 200 blogs, however, today I will try to respond to your precious post. Try is key word here because I am working without my glasses due to recent eye surgery; I'm grateful for the automatic spell check which will highlight my mistakes for me. I'm sure there will be skeptics reading this, but I choose to believe. A family visited one of our local churches last week for the purpose of sharing their little boy's story. When he was three he suffered of ruptured appendix and was in surgery for a long time. He lived. As the child's talking ability improved with age he sometimes said things that astonished and dumbfounded his parents. He mentioned sitting on Jesus' lap while watching the surgery. Another time he mentioned seeing his great, great uncle whom he had never heard of, and of being with his sister who had died in the womb before he was born and about whom they had never told him. He is a normal, shy, playful child and these bits of information just came out in his everyday life. His parents didn't know what to make of it, and are just accepting what he says. I think there is so, so much we do not know and understand.

  3. What an absolutely beautiful picture. Welcome little Grayson. You are bringing great joy during a time it is desperately needed.
    I love how you think, Cee Cee - thank you for sharing what gives you comfort.

    To Barbee: what a powerful story!

  4. Beautiful Cee Cee. I too believe in the spirit of someone and I am positive your brother did as you say and met him before he was born. I am so sorry for all the loss you are experiencing and know that you will do your best to comfort your niece. Blessing and prayers to all your family.

  5. Oh, CeeCee! What a beautiful post. I too believe in heaven, and spirits and in hope!

    I am crying as I write this...thank you for sharing.


  6. Sad news and good news, CeeCee. I think you're right about all you said concerning your brother and heaven.

  7. I am sad for the loss of your brother but buoyed by the birth of Grayson. Hugs.

  8. So sorry for your losses, but so happy for your joys. The Universe is indeed mysterious.

  9. You are in prayers. I am sorry for you loss.

  10. Cee Cee, I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family. But on the other hand you have gained a truly beautiful nephew. May he bring you all much joy and happiness in this time of sorrow. Your thought that your brother got to meet Grayson in Heaven is so inspirational. Welcome into this world, Grayson.

  11. I'm sending thoughts to you and your family.
    I'm so glad that adorable little soul is bringing comfort to your family.

  12. That was a beautiful blog that brings tears to my eyes. I have been through the sorrow and will be going through it again. I have a 9 year old daughter whose about to lose her 83 year old grandfather from lung cancer and her other grandfather is 84 and is showing his age. My poor daughter never got to meet either grandmother. I believe my daughter was a gift. My first daughter died in my arms. Blessings to your family.

  13. Im so very sorry for your loss, CeeCee. I know that Grayson brings with him so much love and comfort to offer everyone. And as much comfort as it gives you to think of how your brother got to meet Grayson before he came here to you...Im sure the comfort and joy your brother received from Grayson offered him so much peace and a wonderful connection to everyone here.

  14. Thanks Aunt CeeCee for reminding me to love my kids to the ends of the earth and back, I know my dad does!

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  16. This was beautifully written.

    Welcome, Grayson.

    I believe too, CeeCee. xoxo

  17. Years later, I'm blog stalking and came across this... so powerfully written. So sad, yet so true. It's incredible how time changes, how wounds remain and how joy perseveres through it all!