Tuesday, December 23, 2008


My big brother, J. and his wife, K.
My mom and her husband, JL.
My sister, me and my brother.

I have been awful about birthday greetings this year.  I've missed my brother's birthday, and now his lovely wife's birthday too.  I really don't know why.  Since my mom died, I feel a total disconnect with my extended family.  My sister has been the primary worker in keeping up our relationship.  
Here's the birthday breakdown.
My brother, December 7th.
My mom, December 21st.
K's birthday, December 21st.
My dad, December 24th.

My mom and dad are now dead.  I think that's where the disconnect comes in.  You see, the man you see in the picture above, is actually the father of my brother and sister.  Confused?
Mom married JL.  Had two kids (my brother and sister).  They divorce.
Mom marries Harold.  Has me.  They divorce after 23 years together.
Mom marries Dwight. No kids.  They divorce.
Mom and JL reunite, get remarried.
Mom dies.

I'm rambling.  My brother and sister have done nothing to make me feel like an outsider, now that they have their dad back.  In fact, everything is just the same. My brother called me for my birthday and my sister gave me the most amazing piece of art that she made and beautiful necklace.  

I guess I'm letting my first parentless Christmas spill over into my relationships with my brother and sister.  I've long since given up being angry with my mom for her lack of interest in me as a person.  Big, giant waste of energy on my part.  What I'm realizing, is that I'm behaving in much the way she did---disinterest.  

I'll call my brother and his wife, and apologize.  I'll wish them a belated birthday.


  1. Family dynamics are interesting. We all have our skeletons and problems but I can see that no matter what the relationship with your mother you at least can see things for what they are with yourself and your siblings. I am sorry that this is the first year without your parents. I hope your heart can find some peace.

  2. You know our family is completely nuts, you and your adorable little family are the only normal ones :) I love you much and wish you much peace and connection this year. I'll call and update you with pregnancy rantings and you'll wish you were still disconnected :)