A moment of brevity on this, a very important day.
Listen, I know you'll be a little busy in the coming months with the war and the economy, and global warming and stuff. One of you talks of 'change' and the other talks of being a 'maverick', so either one of you could tackle the assignment I'd like to give you. I mean, you will work for me (check your contract).
I know, you'll be attending important meetings, giving interviews to whole rooms of mean old media people, making really important decisions, trying to please, all of the people all of the time, all while being the most powerful man in the universe. No pressure or anything.
Oh, don't forget your wife and family. They might need an occasional hug to get them through all the times when you're too busy running the world to sit down and eat a little dinner. A little love note or an email professing your love would go a long way. So would putting down the toilet seat and putting the cap back on the toothpaste. And for goodness sakes, if you use the last bit of toilet paper, change the roll. Yes, I know you "have people that will do that", but take that moment to remember that you are human. The most powerful man in the universe can surely tackle the toilet paper roll.
You have a year to work on my request--well, 6 months really. Maybe while you're in the bathroom changing the TP roll, you could give it some thought. I'm assuming the secret service doesn't follow you in there? You could also give it some thought when you're at a really boring state dinner with the president of Tinyislanddonthavenooilistan. All he'd have to talk about, was whether his island was going to be under water in a few years because of global warming. I know you are the master of multitasking, because you wouldn't be in the Oval Office if you weren't.
My one request requires just one announcement---you could make it at your first State of the Union address. You would be the most popular president in our nation's history. Your approval rating would go through the roof. It's something that could bring our nation together. It's something that could heal old wounds. Congress and the House would 'skip to my lou' while holding hands. All the Supreme Court Justices would agree, unanimously. It would require only 5 words. You can do it! Just practice a bit and they'll roll off your tongue without any cue cards or teleprompters.
"No More Daylight Savings Time"